#11: I’m bad at introductions

“Before any you run off with one of these newcomers in some dank corner somewhere and ….” I glance at Sleepy, a silent admonition for his amorous adventures, “well, anyway, let’s all get to know each other.”

“Hello, I’m Rith Adalath, and I’m an Armorer of the second rank. I admire tradition, enjoy duty, and like trying new things” she sternly grunts. What a serious looking dwarf. And yes, she’s bald and has a beard. Don’t judge my dwarves.

“Wow, an Armorer. That’s like, a real dwarf, unlike all these misfits I brought with me. Of course, we have no real need for armor right now, and no way to make armor, and really very little metal, but … well … welcome aboard!” I assign him the metalcrafting tasks, to learn under Santa. “Who’s next… you there!”

“Oh”, he murmurs meekly, “I’m Asob Uzolfikod. I am but a peasant, eager to start a new life in this land. I’m often nervous, sad and dejected, and occassionally overinduldge.”

“Great, another dwarf to haul things, who also eats too much. I sense a theme in that profession.” Asob is assigned to hauling and he’s called Chubby behind his back. I point to a very dwarfy dwarf.

“Wee!! I’m Fath!” it says quickly. I’m not sure if it has a lisp and is describing its agility or if that’s a dwarf name.

“Fath?”

“Fath Shovethilral!”

“And … what are you?”

“I’m just a kid!” A dwarf child, what sort of fool brings a child to my lands willingly.

“What will you do for me?”

“Whatever I please!”

“No, no, you have the pronoun wrong”, but sure enough…

Trying to maintain my appearance of being in control, I proclaim that the little girl shall be responsible for playing with the kitties and puppies, but it’s not even listening when I say it. Next!

Oh you’ve got to be kidding me. “OK, kid, tell me your name and I’ll let you go out and play.”

“Logem Nisgakoddom!” she murmurs so quickly it sounds like she’s cursing me in some even stranger language. Two little dwarf girls can play with each other, but there had better not be any more! I need labor!

“I am Mebzuth Agmebzuth. I am a Wood Burner, second rank” he asserts calmly. So Mebzuth is both a male and female name? Because that’s Fatty’s first name, too.

“You… burn wood? That’s it?”

“Yes, sir. In the great halls of the Mountainhome, I was a journeyman in the vast wood furnaces there.”

“Don’t you think that’s a bit specialized for a frontier settlement like this?”

“No, sir. I saw a great many logs felled by your wood cutter on my way in to your fortress. I would like to burn that wood. All of it.”

“Well we have many beds, bins, and barrels to make with that wood, but indeed we do need some charcoal to start our metal industry. Very well…. Sparky.” And I send the little pyro to work on all of the plant and animal processing, be it wood burning, plant processing, hide tanning, or brewing.

As he walks off, I notice he has a pet cow calf in tow. Great, a pyromaniac with his own baby cow.

“Ast Rovodvumom reporting for duty! I am a Butcher of the second rank!”

“Very well, Ast. Get to it, and help out Sparky as well. But don’t touch his wood.”

“I’m… Uvash Abanashok…” she says shyly while looking at her toes.

“Let me guess, a Miner.” I’ve seen that get-up before.

“Uh, yes, sir, second rank.”

“Well get down in there and start digging. And watch out for Sleepy. He has intentions.”

“Soon, these halls will be fully of wonderful creations: crafts of animals you’ve never heard of, clothes with amazing properties. I am Zon Fikodshetbeth, novice in bonecrafting, glassmaking, and leatherworking.” She seems like a fine extra craftsdwarf.

“See that woman over there? She’s Santa, go learn from her.”

“Have you any skills?” I ask the peasant-dressed dwarf.

He speaks like the words are made of molasses “I, am, Kol, Tulonma-”

“Oh, out with it already”

“-mot.”

“Skills?”

“N, o.”

“Hauling! Next!”

This dwarf is smart enough to know that by process of elimination, she’s last to go. “Warm greetings, sir. I am Fath Alathlorsith. I noticed the child earlier was also named Fath, and so to avoid any confusion, please feel free to call me Big Fath. I wonder, sir, where are your cows?”

My cows? “Hello Big Fath, the closest thing to cattle we have is a musk-ox, and that pet cow calf that Sparky has. Why do you ask?”

“Oh. Well I am a Milker by trade, second rank. But don’t you worry, I’ll get out and help the one known as Steenky in the farms.”

“Well, yeah, that sounds like a fine idea.”

I look around to make sure there’s no other dwarves I don’t recognize before dismissing the seventeen of them.

And so here’s what I have.

• 11 women, 6 men (that’s starting to be a really dangerous ratio)
• 3 miners, with Feb, the 9th rank “Professional Miner” being full-time miner, and Sleepy (her lazy lover, only 7th rank miner) and Uvash doing some stone detailing and masonry work as well.
• Santa’s omni-crafting is complemented with a non-metal crafter and a metal-crafter.
• The plants and animals work is split between four dwarves now instead of one. Which is good, because very little agriculture was happening.
• Fatty now has two full-time haulers to help her out. Most everyone has food and refuse hauling responsibilities (to avoid any miasma incidents), and many people have furniture hauling (otherwise beds and doors are placed way too slowly), and some of the crafters have item hauling should they need to move stuff out of their workspaces.
• The 2 children are, at this time, worthless.

Big piles of dwarves should be met with big ambitions:

• Get a huge storage level dug out
• Get real bedrooms and a housing level dug out, plus the required beds and doors
• Get a real workshop floor going
• Get the farms going
• Get some defenses (traps, bridges, and levers) built and placed
• Wall off the farms and entrance

Since I have no excuse now that I have more than double the laboring dwarves, big failures are sure to follow.

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